Tag Archives: Compassion

Shelly and Jake: Pet Therapy Pioneers by Moxie Gusto

29 Oct

Happy Halloween from the Dread Pirate Shelly and her Terrible Sea Monster Jake

This was my mother and our family dog preparing to visit a convalescent hospital on Halloween, many years ago.  Every week Shelly and Jake visited patients in the hospital for rehabilitation, and they came to be well known around our little community.

My mother saw a news story about therapy animals being used in hospitals across the country and decided that we needed something like that our small town.  Neither Mom nor Jake had any formal training, yet they became the first pet therapy team in our area.

Mom spent most of her time doing things for other people, and had a frequent habit of rescuing and rehabilitating abandoned or abused animals.  After her children were raised, it was only natural that she created her own volunteering niche in the community.

Jake was adopted from the pound as a puppy, so we have no idea where he came from.  He was very well-behaved and incredibly affectionate, with a special talent for giving the best hugs ever.

I was too much of a teenager at the time to fully appreciate what they were doing, and never got involved myself, but I always listened to my mom tell stories after each visit to the hospital. I put up the ‘disinterested teenager’ front, but I was so proud of both of them.  She would get fired up describing the happiness that Jake brought to the patients.  Some of them never got any visitors except for Jake and Shelly.

It was not her intention, but my mom brought an incredible amount of joy to her own life through volunteering at the hospital.  She didn’t have any special skills, but she did have an abundance of love and a kind and friendly nature that uplifted everyone around her. She probably didn’t think I was listening but I came to understand that lifting up other people is one of the most important things you can do with your time. It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you came from.  There is always something you can do that brings hope or joy into the lives of others.  Thanks, Mom.

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”   —   Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”  – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Footnote: Shelly and Jake underwent appropriate health exams, updated their immunizations and were screened by hospital staff prior to visiting any patients.  

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One Mind At A Time by Cognito Gusto

17 Sep

20120917-183223.jpgA year or so ago, I told a close friend who is in his 60s and a bit set in his ways, about my ‘extracurricular activities’. I told him for two reasons. First, he was beginning to suspect something, and second, I knew he was a fatalist about most things, and I wanted to see if I could perhaps temper than with a little bit of hope and faith in humanity.

You see, he had been telling me that “one person can’t make any difference”, that we’re all just subject to the whims of life, and it’s best to just be prepared to roll with the inevitable punches. I wanted to start a process going that would start to change all that, and it began with telling him what I really do with my time.

As expected, he laughed and told me to “have fun” but that ultimately I’d see his point.

Fast-forward two years. I’ve been regaling him with stories on almost every visit, about how we put out fires, rescue people from floods, stop and render aid, help the homeless and other groups, etc. I’ve told him about co-ordinated efforts across the country to save lives and get peple out of bad situations. I’d seen some changes in his attitude, but something that happened last week made me feel like I’d actually finally accomplished something real…

My friend, who had always been a bit of a racist, quite the hoarder, and the ultimate fatalist, loaded up his barely-used Schwinn bicycle, and set out to find a new owner for it. He drove around a while, until he saw two young black boys standing on the side of the road talking. One boy was straddling a bicycle, the other wasn’t.

My friend stopped, rolled down the window and asked if the 2nd boy had a bike. When he said no, my friend said “you do now!”, got out, and gave the boy a “new” bicycle, extra tubes, and tools to care for it. After a few minutes of reassuring them that he wan’t trying to pass them a stolen bike, the boy accepted the gift and everyone said their happy goodbyes.

When my friend told me the story, he was on the verge of tears himself! Apparently knowing that he had made a real difference in this boy’s life, and had crossed racial barriers to do so, made him feel really good and for once, hopeful. I don’t believe my friend would have ever done such a thing a year ago, but I do believe I’ll be hearing more stories like this from him in the future.

We CAN change things, even if it’s just one mind at a time.

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Grief and Loss by Misery White

30 Apr

Everyone experiences loss in their lives. Many people lose jobs unexpectedly, homes, good health, etc. But some lose their best friends, their families, even their children. Parents have been known to sell their homes at a loss just to get away from daily passing by the accident scene where their teenager crashed their car into a tree and died. Rather than be crippled with grief reliving the details of their child’s death over and over, they need to get away. Thus begins their financial downward spiral, perhaps turning on each other, even developing dependence on drugs and/or alcohol to numb the pain, “stuck” in their grief.

Grief and how each person handles loss, is as individualized as our personalities and life experiences, but there are some basics to learn, to help us if we are in a situation where comforting another soul is needed. Search “Stages of Grief” and you will find countless resources. Here are the basic 5 Stages of Grief based on the teachings of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler I find the easiest to understand:

1. DENIAL
2. ANGER
3. BARGAINING
4. DEPRESSION
5. ACCEPTANCE

Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and otherwise small events can trigger a large emotional reaction. If someone lost a child last year, they probably had to remove that child’s name from their taxes when reporting dependents. That may seem like a small detail, but really think about it. It is final. Erasing that name may symbolize erasing that sweet life–devastating for a parent. Take the time to determine where a person may be in their Stage of Grief so you can respond most effectively. The most difficult loss for most is loss of a loved one.

There is a Facebook page Graceful Grieving. The link that follows is that site’s official song, “Crippled Bird.” Please listen. I also promote an organization called The Compassionate Friends Network. They have resource materials that will help you to help others through the grieving process, as well as provide connections that can bond people together in empathic discussion. It was through my fundraising efforts for CFN that I learned how to deal with my own misery.

We often interact with the grieving. Sometimes people simply need permission to feel the way they feel so they can move on. Taking 15 minutes to hear another’s story can jumpstart an evolution of a lifetime filled with pain toward acceptance, forgiveness and peace. We don’t all have to swoop in, capes flying behind us, taking down a purse-snatcher, to be heroic. Heroism (to me) is freely giving something ultimately precious to you, especially when it’s not easy. What is more precious than time? Listening, a simple touch or pat on the shoulder, looking someone in the eye and nodding, hearing their painful experience and compassionately feeling it with them are some of the most heroic acts any one human being can give or share with another. Research, train yourself, and prepare if this is something you think you can, and should, do. The world needs many types of heroes.

It might make you uncomfortable to counsel someone or hear their story, but consider those who most affected your life and how they did so. Then consider these great words by Maya Angelou, “People will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Touch some hearts out there heroes, and save some lives! Keep the ripples of compassion flowing until they become huge waves of love that carry us all to better place.

The Official Song for Graceful Grieving, Inc.
“Crippled Bird” Written by Dolly Parton
Used by Permission Velvet Apple Music © 1995

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Compassion Into Action by Misery White

24 Jan

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This started as a letter I was going to send to Ben, a.k.a. Power Boy, after recently meeting him and his family at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Ben was undergoing tests there to determine status of progression of his ALD. ALD refers to Adrenoleukodystrophy, a rare hereditary disorder that affects the brain, adrenal glands, and myelin sheath which insulates many nerves in the central and peripheral nervous systems.

To find out more about Ben, ALD, and how you can contribute to alleviate some of the out-of-pocket family travel and boarding expenses needed for increased Mayo appointments, please visit “Power Boy ALD Awareness on Facebook.

As another means to learn and show support, observe Rare Disease Day, Feb 2, 2012, with “L.O.V.E.: Let Our Voices Echo.” On this day, patients and families will share their stories to focus a spotlight on rare diseases as an important global public health concern. Among those included (these are just a few): Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS); Muscular Dystrophy; Adenoleukodystrophy (ALD); Down Syndrome; and Cerebral Palsy.

I dedicate this article to Power Boy, my teammate and my friend.

Before I was old enough to go to school, I was also a regular visitor of Mayo Clinic. I was born with a kidney disorder that doctors wanted to learn more about. They wanted to help me feel better, but because my condition was rare they needed to do many tests and I spent a lot of time getting poked with needles and having little plastic cups glued to my skin. Most of the time the doctors and nurses explained what they were going to do in detail and in words I could understand, but sometimes they didn’t and I got scared. My mom and I lived alone and she had to work, so I spent a lot of time in the hospital alone, even overnight.

One night, when I was really tired and trying so hard to be strong and brave, I started crying and couldn’t seem to stop. I was alone in my room and over the door I saw a black spot and was positive it was moving. I was really afraid of spiders and there was a spider, right over my door! Nurses came in and tried to calm me down, but I was crying so hard they couldn’t understand what I was saying. I didn’t want them to leave me alone in that room with the door shut, unable to move with the I.V. tubes hooked up to my arm and a spider there that could come crawling down the wall while I was sleeping!

A very kind nurse came in and tried to make me feel better. She held my hand and hummed softly. It helped a bit and I was able to breathe easier. It didn’t last long though, because she left and the spider was still there. Another nurse came in and when the door shut she actually yelled at me and told me to quit acting like a baby and scaring the other children who were trying to sleep. I didn’t like her. I had taken medicine and was so sleepy, but fought the urge to close my eyes.

The nurse I remember most is the one who came in and didn’t say much. She smiled warmly and looked into my eyes. She watched me and saw where I was staring–above the door. I tried to point but I was so very tired, my arms felt like they were two huge bazookas hanging off my shoulders. Nurse followed my gaze up to the space above the door and pointed right to the spot that was the spider. I moaned a little to try to tell her to be careful, that there was a spider there. She got a funny look on her face and finally spoke. She said, “Honey, are you looking at that black spot up there?” I nodded. “Does it make you afraid?” I nodded. I whimpered, “Spider” in a tiny voice. The nurse got a chair and stood on it, pointed to the spot again and then (I couldn’t believe it) she put her finger right on the spider! “This isn’t a spider Honey, it’s a nail in the wall. See the other ones here, and here, and here?” She put her hand on all of the spots and I was so relieved I got tears in my eyes. I was finally able to stop crying, give in to the medication, and allow myself to sleep and get the rest I needed.

There are things in life that scare us or make us nervous. It’s best to talk to people we trust and let them know what those scary things are. Learning more about what is really happening can take the fear away. Having people support you can help keep you strong when you feel alone because you know that even if they are not standing in the room with you, they are thinking about you and wanting the best for you.

The nurse that held my hand and hummed for me made me feel comforted, and I’m grateful to her. But the nurse that touched my heart the most and the one I remember best, is the one who looked deeply at me and my problem and put my fears to rest. She was as compassionate as the first nurse, but she put her care into action and showed it to me.

Encouraging words can be priceless, but as “heroes” we also put caring words to caring action. We “show” people we value them. The combination of word and deed is important for all Real Life Superheroes.

I may be grown now, but I still think about the nurses and other kids at Mayo. They are forever in my heart. I hope you have people that have inspired you and helped you that remain in your heart. If you ever need someone to show you that “the spider” isn’t real I want you to know that I am one of the people you can call on.

I know that you, Power Boy, have inspired many, many others who do, and will, always keep YOU in their hearts, prayers, and good wishes. You are now in mine.

Thank you, Ben.
Health and happiness to you today and every day,
Miz White

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